Well, shit. Where to even begin? :)
I was all ready to go. My gear for the hike all purchased, sitting in the living room in a pile. Trail companion book arrived. I was ready to rock and roll. But how many signs do you need before you start to go "Hey... maybe you should hold up here a bit, partner?"
First off, I found out my dad was finally going to have his hip surgery. For those who know me personally, my dad has been dealing with his hip being utter crap for about 5 years. (Since then, it finally blew out at work and now he is getting his surgery in a month or so.) But he is a pain in the ass, and I couldn't leave my Nana alone to deal with him during the process and recovery. I probably could have figured something out, but it was weighing on me. He has not been the greatest dad in the world, but he is the only dad I've got, and I didn't want him to go into surgery without me being there. I am one of the only people he trusts to really be assertive and make sure he is ok. That, and my Nan doesn't need the stress...
Second, Raingirl was not totally ok. In order for me to be able to go comfortably and focus on my trip, I needed to know she was good. She had a bit of an anxiety episode, her first one, and that gave me pause as well. I can't speak for her, but she didn't seem real excited for the idea of mom being unreachable. Away was ok, but away and unreachable was not. It seemed like it was all fine until I had a date and my stuff... then shit got real... I don't know. Maybe I had nothing to do with it. But I wasn't willing to risk finding out.
Thirdly, I went to a company meeting that told all of us the future plan for the business. I work for a large salon and spa company; I was leaving to go on my hike, and then see where life took me, but I went to the meeting anyway to see what was up. Well, I had some great meetings with some bosses, and decided I didn't want to miss the momentum going with the company right now! I also had always assumed that when I was done with college, I would go to work in the product and education side of the nail business; it was revealed to me that there may be the exact position I would love within the salon chain that I love... 3rd sign? Check.
And most importantly, my leaving was affecting my household more than I expected it to. I had the full support of The Ex, I had the full support of LTB's ex, and I thought the kiddos were pretty complacent about the idea of me leaving. They knew, and frankly, didn't appear to me to care. I couldn't have been more wrong. Now, I don't know that it had much to do with me, all I know is that Youngest Boy was not doing alright, not by a long shot. He has some issues and has endured some bullying, and he was breaking under the pressure of tweenage problems. If I would have left him and something would have happened to him I would never have forgiven myself. I just kept thinking that a long time ago, a very lovely Nana quit her job and raised me, forever altering the course of my life. I will never be able to repay her for the gift she gave me, but I can honor her by being a major role model myself in a child's life. The day that I found out how much my little guy was hurting is the day I realized that I no longer had one child... I have four. And there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for them. My life can wait. The trail will still be there. Heck, maybe I'll groom Youngest Boy into my hiking partner!!!
Sometimes the road that we take to get somewhere can seem really rough, and really kick our ass. I felt like life had punched me in the gut, but you know when to not push something into place that clearly it is not time for. And then sometimes... just sometimes... you realize that everything worked out for the best. What was one of the scariest kid things I have ever dealt with has turned into the best thing. LTB and I have finally started to be a family. Our relationship, while not perfect, is fantastic. (Who's relationship is really ever PERFECT?? Lol...) So we had to deal with some really shitty things to get to where we are now... that sucks. But we made it! This group has somehow formed a family, and that's the way we all became the Brady Bunch...
But seriously... I know that my adult life has been up and down and all over the place. For the first time in a LONG time, I feel that I am exactly right where I should be. I love my family, I love my job (which I am doing part time until that magical position becomes available), and I just love my life! No bullshit. I am taking some classes that I want to take to fill in this spring quarter at Tacoma Community College, and will be going to University of Washington Tacoma in the fall. And I think all of that is just fabulous!!
Soooooooooooooooo.... since I wasn't leaving now, and I wasn't leaving my job.... I had money burning a hole in my pocket. How to spend it.............. I know!! The one thing that I have wanted for over a year now but couldn't afford... WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY! I tried to do the insurance thing... no dice, they wouldn't pay for it. I tried to do the self-pay thing... couldn't get financed. Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to MEXICO I go... for the gastric sleeve. Raingirl and I will be flying to Mexico next Monday, March 25th for my surgery! Yippeeeeeee! I start my all liquid diet tomorrow...
With that being said, I am going to be video blogging (aka VLOG) on You Tube the whole process! I will post the videos on here, but I really want to get my You Tube channel shared too, because I want to show people that are scared to go to Mexico for surgery that it CAN be done. Sometimes our biggest fear is of the unknown... So, watch my journey. Next post will be my first video... Now off to figure out how the damn camera works... <grin>
Thanks for taking the time out of your day to catch up with me!!!
Hasta luego! M.